Invisible by Michele Lent Hirsch

Author:Michele Lent Hirsch [Hirsch, Michele Lent]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-8070-2396-9
Publisher: Beacon Press
Published: 2018-01-19T05:00:00+00:00

PART 4

Why Don’t They Believe Me? or the Case of the Lady Lab Rat

After Brenda experienced a year of neurological symptoms, her primary doctor suggested she see a neurologist. And then, she says, “the first neuro asked if I was making it up.”

Brenda, then twenty-eight and working in politics, had experienced a slowing down of her left limbs, then her right. She’d been running marathons, and the trainer she ran with had noticed her gait changing. But the doctor didn’t believe it was real.

“I can still recall his exact wording,” she says. “‘Is it possible that these symptoms are not actually there? Could it be a mental health issue?’”

At that, she says, “I remember being shocked and stunned. And saying something like, ‘No, I’m not inventing this.’” She left the appointment, went to her car, and cried.

I ask if she ever returned to him or immediately saw a second neurologist. I explain that I’m asking because sometimes, even when doctors makes you feel awful or do something unprofessional or bigoted, they’re specialists or they’re “the experts,” and you think you still need them for your health issue.

“Oh heck no!” she says. “I can still picture him and will never forget his name. I laugh because his last name—while spelled differently—is the Spanish word for stupid.” She continues, “I’m fortunate that I have incredible health insurance through my employer and never went back to see him.”

“Man. Makes my blood boil hearing that, even second hand,” I say. I ask if this interaction with the first neurologist made her worried about the next.

It was a top university hospital, she says. “I figured that if they thought I was making it up, then I had to reevaluate. But in my heart, I knew I wasn’t making this up.”

Hold on a minute, I think, when I hear Brenda’s response. If it hadn’t been for this doctor accusing her of making it all up, it sounds as if she would never have started wondering about the idea of making it up in the first place. She knew that her symptoms were real. Her trainer did. Her primary doctor seemed to as well. But this reaction from the specialist had made her question herself, even though she’d had a year of progressive neurological symptoms.

“Correct,” she says. “I had never entertained the idea of my making it up; it had never crossed my mind. My primary doctor had never questioned it. My trainer knew something was off. No one else had ever brought it up.” And then: “It certainly made me question my state of mind. I started to see a psychologist—just to make sure.”

This one physician had done all that, in one appointment. And it has happened to other women, too.1 The doctor has power and authority, qualities that make it easy to start questioning yourself. But Brenda knew this wasn’t the way it should have gone. Within a few days, she contacted the hospital where the doctor was based and told them the story. She never heard back.

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